What a way to end the season finale of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”—with Pandy’s Pepto Bismol explosion of a wedding! (In all seriousness, though, wedding planner Kevin “Shi Shi” Lee turned the “million dollar” féte into a “pink five-star wonderland.” Surprisingly, all in good taste.)
But it wouldn’t be right to leave the Russell-Taylor drama hanging. In the final moments of the episode, we’re re-introduced to the cast post-Russell’s death as Kyle brings the ladies together to give a healing Tay-Tay the 4-1-1 on everyone’s lives—from Camille’s ab-tastic Greek sexpot to Adrienne’s shoegasm business ventures.
Check out the recap below:
Before the wedding day arrives, Paul decides he needs a badonka donk examination: the dreaded routine colonoscopy! At the hospital, he tries to have Adrienne help give him an enema, but she jumps ship in disgust.
When he’s done with the procedure, the gastroenterologist reassures the two that Paul’s polyp-free, while Adrienne stands at his side watching him quietly wipe the sleep out of his eyeballs. His momentary silence suddenly makes him uber attractive to Adrienne, but unfortunately, all that changes when nature takes its toll. Paul panics as a sequence of orchestral big ones pop out of his heiny. As if on cue, Adrienne says sayonara and clicks out the door.
Hours before Pandy’s wedding, Lisa’s in tizzy as the $9500 cake arrives, the flowers are being arranged, and the fact that Kevin Lee has been busy on a plastic surgery vacation and is nowhere to be found. But then suddenly—like two Z-snap formations and a burst of fairy dust—Kevin shows up in all his “fab-uh-lus-ness”! He tells her to relax and utters his famous monosyllabic expressions of reassurance. “Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling! That’s all we need! Shi! Shi! Beverly Hills, right?!”
And then the moment has arrived. As a diamond tiara-wearing Lisa, along with a tuxedoed Ken and Giggy wait at the bottom of the stairs, Pandy traipses down the stairs in her $6000 billowing wedding dress.
As the sun sets, groom Jason beams as he watches Pandy walk down with Ken. “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” asks the pastor. Ken replies, “I’m not giving her away, I’m sharing her.” The guests chuckle heartily, and suddenly, a high-pitched giggle rises above the crowd. We know that La Toya Jackson’s in the house.
After the vows are exchanged and Jason swallows his bride’s face, the real party begins! We applaud Bravo’s award-winning worthy cinematography as we watch Adrienne and Paul groove in slo mo—it was like watching steamy outtakes from “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.” [Cue whisper: So sexy.]
The evening ends with Pandy and Jason running through a circle of fireworks and kissing PG-13 style in front of a throng of rich onlookers who are all hoping they signed a prenup.
Three weeks later, Kyle invites the ladies to reinstate a healthier-looking Taylor into the fold post Russell’s death. Kim is a no-show…well, cause, ya know.
As the ladies giggle and exchange jokes, we get freeze-frame updates:
Taylor – Due to legal and financial issues, she’s published a memoir.
Camille – She’s busy getting down with her younger Greek man and his well-endowed shish kabob.
Lisa – She, Ken, and Giggy downsized to a 12,000 square foot mansion.
Adrienne – She’s continuing to plug her shoe line and support Paul’s colonoscopies.
Kyle – She’s published an advice book for women and wrote a chapter on sisterly love even though she fights with Kim all the time. (We wonder if there’s a chapter on how to do her famous splits in social settings.)
Kim – She’s not preggies with Ken’s baby troll and has thankfully checked herself into rehab.
In the finale’s final moments, the gals clink their champagne glasses to their enduring friendship.
“I feel lucky to have you guys all in my life,” says Kyle.
“Let’s drink to that!” Taylor exclaims.
“We do with everything else!” Kyle replies, as the ladies toss their heads back laughing and congratulate themselves on being so pathetically rich.
A FAREWELL NOTE:
I just wanted to send out a heartfelt thank you to those of you who’ve supported my crazy takes on various reality TV shows over the past couple years at XfinityTV. Your kind words and laughter have meant the world to me, and every sleep deprivation headache I’ve gotten was absolutely worth it!
Unfortunately, this will be my final recap of the “RHoBH” for XfinityTV since I’ve decided to take an editorial position at another company—but I’ll still be writing! Feel free to “like” me on Facebook so we can continue to ride on the same pop culture crazy train together. – eudie