Spoiler Alert!!! Do not read if you don’t want to know what happens!
The illustrious reality competition career of 19-year-old Floridian Jeremy Rosado has come to a close.
In a decision that was surprisingly impartial, considering Jennifer Lopez’s weird pet-like adoration of Jeremy up to this point, the “American Idol” judges collectively agreed to spare Elise Testone for one more week.
They were faced with a choice between Jeremy, who gave a mediocre performance that held no real promise of a better one, and Elise, who gave a terrible performance but who you know can do so much better when matched with the right song. In the end, Elise’s unpredictability beat Jeremy’s prognosis for a lifetime of smooth and boring.
The elimination process was a seemingly on-the-fly change to the show, announced last night. Ryan Seacrest would call out the bottom three boys and girls, whittle it down to the lowest ranked in each gender, and then let the judges choose who should go home in a long-needed power grab by eye-on-the-prize music industry insiders and away from America—who, let’s face it, has not had the best track record picking winners on this show. (Lee DeWhat?)
Just like last week’s massive elimination, contestants were called down in groups of three or four and given a quick retrospective, followed by the comments of Jimmy Iovine.
Tonight, Iovine was a little less searing and a little more scripted, but at the very least, he must be writing his own script. Because no one else would ever come up with, “God mass-produced billions of people—too many people!” as a lead-in to why everyone sucked so bad last night. (God stopped the assembly line and hand-carved Whitney Houston or something.)
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Other good Iovinisms: Elise “got hit with a Whitney stick.” About Skylar Laine: “I like nasal.” He also pointed out some important things the judges should have mentioned last night, that Colton Dixon seems to be attempting some rock thing that isn’t really him, that Heejun needs some serious work, and that Joshua’s voice, while fantastic, could get boring after a while.
The judges again banded against Iovine’s dose of truth, with J. Lo (in a cleavage-plunging dress suggestive of her Oscar nip-slip attire) threatening to punch him. But why The Judges as an entity need to have one collective opinion opposing Jimmy’s is a mystery. These are three individuals and should really be diverging more widely than the space “beautiful” and “wasn’t perfect.”
Steven Tyler did have one moment of blistering honesty, perhaps when it wasn’t exactly called for. After Ryan narrowed the field to a bottom four, he asked Steven if any of the four deserved to leave. In this situation, a judge would usually just say yes or no, or babble about how everyone is a star or whatever. But Steven just said: “Jeremy.” Ouch. And just a few minutes later, Jeremy was gone to the tune of a Scotty McCreery goodbye song.
Kudos to Phillip Phillips for overcoming his TMZ-worthy health scare today. As reported, Phillips’s gallstones sent him to the doc this morning but all checked out and he appeared to be healthy enough tonight on the show. Shortly before he was granted safety for another week, Ryan asked him about a trip to the hospital, but Phillip clarified that it was just a visit to the doctor, and said, “I’m good.”
This wouldn’t be “Idol” without some cheesy “Glee”-like group sing, and tonight it was a Stevie song that featured dancing as sophisticated as the step-touch. It appeared as though they were actually singing live, which is a change for the better, even if it means pitch problems and mumbled lyrics.
If they were singing, then the Ford commercial was quite the opposite, as the Idols didn’t even move their mouths in a music video of “Big Time,” in which they stomp around L.A. as Jermaine Jones-sized giants, just narrowly missing some colorful vehicles with their giant shoes.
Last year’s runner-up, a very fake-blonde, fake-tanned Lauren Alaina stopped by to do fake-suggestive shoulder-shimmies and tout her single, “Georgia Peach,” which goes like this: “Oh/Oh whoa-oh, whoa-oh/something something Randy Jackson/Georgia peach.”
And Mary J. Blige confirmed to us that shoulder pads are indeed back in style (Skylar Laine hinted at it last night). Looking amazing, sounding amazing—even, or despite, having earpiece problems—she was a stark contrast to the “Idol”-manufactured Alaina, and the future in store for many of the Top 13.