When I’m Six To Four: ‘The Voice’ Coaches Cut Down Their Teams

Jordis, Raelynn, and Charlotte Sometimes on The Voice (Lewis Jacobs/NBC)

This is certainly one of the most spiritual weeks of the entire year, with both Easter and Passover just around the corner. (Not to mention the number of parents out there on their knees praying for Spring Break to hurry up and end so they can get their kids back in school….) People are just generally in a kinder, more forgiving mode, at least for the moment. Who am I to ignore this trend? So, to celebrate this period of peace, love and understanding, I want to send out some big hugs and deepest condolences to several people after watching “The Voice’s” first results show of the year. Please allow me to  say “I’m sorry” to:

….the bosses at “American Idol.” I can understand how hurt you must feel seeing that “The Voice” introduced “The Save” last night, a twist you guys introduced a few years ago as a way to add some drama to elimination night. Singers who have been voted out by America get one chance to sing for their coaches in the hopes that said coach will choose to save them from going home. It’s a fun gimmick, and one that provides hope to finds of singers who couldn’t get enough votes on their own. Look at it this way, “Idol.” Your rival show may have added one of your favorite tricks but on the plus side, Cee Lo Green decided to ditch his long-haired wig so he won’t be confused with Steven Tyler.

…all the singers from Blake Shelton’s and Christina Aguilera’s teams. Thanks to the new “Save,” you had to stand there endure the stress of Carson Daly ssssssssslowly reading off the names of the six of you that America voted to keep around. It didn’t help that Daly said to Blake, “Any last words for your team?” as if that somebody was about to actually get executed on live television? Thankfully that didn’t happen, and Erin Willett, Jermaine Paul and RaeLynn get to stay on Blake’s team while Jesse Campbell (who tried very hard to look surprised),  Chris Mann and Lindsey Pavao survived from Christina’s team.

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…anyone who likes reggae. It’s been clear from the day we first saw her on the streets of Santa Monica with her laidback musical style (and, let’s face it, the dreadlocks) that Naia Kete might be someone who could bring reggae to primetime. However, she played things straight during her first live show and didn’t fare much better when she sang “If I Were A Boy” as her savior song. Nothing exciting or funky there, and when Blake said he still wanted to hear her do reggae, she complained vehemently that she wasn’t allowed to. She would eventually lose, but maybe she’ll get another shot if somebody starts a series called, “The Voice, Mon!”

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…anyone with a “beating the odds” story. Charlotte Sometimes certainly had one, coming back after a debilitating jaw illness. With her quirky voice and smooth energy, I was surprised that she was in Blake’s bottom three. However, when she was up there singing “Iris” to try and save herself, she seemed to lose a lot of what made her a favorite. Instead of looking happy just to be performing again, she looked pretty much ticked off. Thus ensuring that the perpetually perky Blake wouldn’t pick her and toss up another roadblock in Charlotte’s career. Come to think of it, though, this now gives her more odds to beat so perhaps going home could be a good thing.

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Jordis Unga. I’m not sorry that she was Blake’s pick to stick around. She was her usual strong, passionate self while doing a dark, moody take on “Wild Horses” and deserved the chance to sing another day on “The Voice.” No, my apology is for the fact that after her Monday night performance, Jordan confessed to me that she’s good at math and would help balance my checkbook. So Jordis, guess what I’m bringing for you next week? Good luck, and yes, as a matter of fact I do spend that much on obscure ‘80s songs from iTunes every week.

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…charities trying to raise money in a time where donations are harder to come by. You all must have been as mystified as I was by the sudden appearance of Carson to tell us all about Create Jobs for USA, and the red, white and blue wristbands the singers were wearing in order to show support of this charity that he never really explained. I’m sure it’s for a good cause, but this was not the best sales job. I have a feeling this moment was so abrupt and lacking in any real description of where our $5 donation would go that it’s going to make people think twice for a bit about where they’re sending their dwindling charity dollars.

…the remaining members of Team Christina that hoped to get some redemption. I make this apology because when Ashley De La Rosa was about 15 seconds into “Paris (Ooh La La),” it was pretty apparent that she would be the choice to stick around. She continues to be this amazing surprise, looking like a shy and quiet teen but belting out songs with such angry fervor that you have to wonder what could get her this fired up at age 17. It’s an intriguing contrast, and one that suddenly has her starting to look like a favorite.

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…anyone who has peaked too early. You know, like Sera Hill. That moment in her blind audition when Christina got up to sing with her will always be a classic highlight from “The Voice,” kind of like that guy falling off the ski run always was for “Wide World Of Sports,” only happy instead of painful. After that, I totally thought she had the chops to go all the way. She must have thought the same as well, because she didn’t have the same spark while singing “Vision Of Love” to save herself. It was tough to see her go, especially because I had her in the Top 10 in my fantasy “Voice” league, but honestly, Ashley did kick her butt onstage tonight and Christina made the right choice.

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…Adam Levine fans. Don’t get me wrong. I can  understand why you scream for him non-stop during the live shows. He’s a handsome fella, and his tough-love approach makes him the best coach up there. But tonight….a buttoned-to-the-top preppy polo style shirt. I mean, seriously, did he have a dinner to get to at the country club or something after the show? Maybe a round of golf? This was not the rocker image he usually projects, so let’s hope maybe he adds a tattoo or something for next week to get things back on track.

…to alter-egos everywhere. Moses Stone has talked many times about his other person, whom he calls That Dude, that takes over whenever he appears onstage. Well, he might want to sit down and have a little chat with That Dude one of these days because the guy let him down tonight. Instead of being Superman, That Dude was more Clark Kent. He tried to sing, rather than rap, “Breakeven (Falling To Pieces),” but the result sounded flatter and less exciting than his previous appearances. So I’m thinking that perhaps Moses and That Dude look into some couples counseling to straighten out any bitter feelings before they perform anywhere again.

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…Blake and Christina. Not only was it tough enough – “sucky,” to use the technical term Blake threw out there – having to send two members of their beloved teams home. They also had to do it with all the tenderness of Donald Trump canning a celebrity apprentice. Courtesy of an angst-y Carson trying to keep the show from running overtime, the coaches never really did have time to explain their decisions and then had to get up onstage to offer awkward hugs to the people they’d just sent packing. The guys on Maury who just found out the kid really is theirs look less ill at ease than Blake and Christina did toward the end of the show. Cee Lo and Adam, start preparing yourself for next week by learning to talk much faster than you already do.

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The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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