Last Week: Let’s do this limerick style, shall we?
There once was a guy named Jay Byars,
Who was worried the women were liars,
Troy tied to warn,
But poor Jay was torn,
So Probst got to snuff out his fires.
39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog
Let’s see where the tribe currently stands…
The Tikiano Tribe (wearing black)
Alicia – 25, Special Ed Teacher
Chelsea – 26, Medical Sales
Christina – 29, Career Consultant
Kat – 22, Timeshare Rep
Kim – 29, Bridal Shop Owner
Leif – 27, Phlebotomist
Sabrina – 33, High School Teacher
Tarzan – 64, Plastic Surgeon
Troyzan – 50, Swimsuit Photographer
The fun starts off this week with the Tikiatians returning from Tribal Council. Troyzan, as you’d imagine, is not thrilled that he’s the next person on the chopping block. He’s also digs into Christina because he though she would be on his side. Wait, what?
The others come to her defense (even Alicia!) and it’s obvious that his days are numbered. Troyzan realizes that he’s going to need an Ozzy-esque immunity run to stay in this game.
I’ve met Ozzy. I’ve interviewed Ozzy. Troyzan, you’re no Ozzy.
The next morning, Troyzan resumes his bulldozer persuasion technique by telling Chelsea that he deserves to be there longer than three or four other people. She comes back with the perfect response by saying, “It’s just the game.” She’s right, nobody deserves anything out there.
She then makes a point that he should take it like a man like Jonas did. Oooo…sushi burn.
Tree mail arrives in the form of a bunch of envelopes full of money. Oh, you know what that means…
Reward Challenge: “Survivor” auction time! Troyzan smartly decides to save his money for an immunity challenge advantage.
Chelsea wins donuts and iced coffee for $160.
Fun Fact: “Survivor” production’s iced coffee is legendary. I’d consider paying $160 for a glass right now.
Sabrina wins nachos and a margarita for $400.
Leif wins a protein shake and bananas for $100.
Kat proves she has no idea how auctions work by bidding the exact same amount as Alicia. She’s so cute.
Kim wins a shower for $40.
Kat wins a BLT and an iced tea for $180. When Kat goes to claim her sandwich, she exclaims, “There’s bacon on there!” Yes…on her BLT.
Kim sprints out of the shower to win some chocolate and peanut butter for $240. What is it about the combination of chocolate and peanut butter that makes women strip on this show? I’m bringing a jar of Skippy and a Snickers bar to the finale.
Tarzan claims he’s saving his $500 to buy some new shocks for his truck. What’re the odds Jeff will put that up for bid?
Next up are letters from home. Alicia breaks down crying and bids all of her money. Oh man, who knew Alicia was so sensitive?
Alicia lets us know that it’s a letter from her dad who has never written her anything in her life. Aww… There’s a lot of pollen outside, I think some might’ve gotten in my house…
Jeff allows the others to buy their own letters for $500. Tarzan takes him up on the offer. He also decides not to share his letter with the others.
Then, Troyzan breaks down because he feels alone after last night’s Tribal. He’s tempted to buy his letter, but doesn’t.
Smart move, because the immunity advantage is next. Troyzan and Christina get into a bidding war as they’re the only two with $500 left. The women try to convince Christina to bid all of her money…but she doesn’t.
Sorry, that’s a dumb move by Christina. The person with the auction advantage always (or almost always, I’m not an encyclopedia) wins immunity. That could put the target squarely on her back.
Kat wins a mystery item and a note for $160.
(Please be swamp water, please be swamp water…)
Oh wow, it’s a super huge cake. The note says that the cake is for the entire tribe and they have 60 seconds to eat it. What follows is pretty gross.
That’s the end of the auction and Christina still has all her money. She should be able to buy some nice shocks.
Back at camp, Troyzan starts another immunity idol hunt. He doesn’t even bother hiding it from the others. In fact, he pulls a Rupert by putting something in his pocket and pretending that it’s an idol.
Immunity Challenge Time: This challenge will be broken into three different stages. Troyzan will automatically advance to the second stage. First, the players will have to untie a series of knots. First three people to release a ring will advance. From there, they’ll bounce coconuts off of a trampoline and attempt to break three targets. The first two to do that will slingshot coconuts into a wall. First person to knock out three targets in a row wins immunity.
Round One: Tarzan, Kim, and Christina untie their knots first.
Round Two: Troyzan and Tarzan destroy all three targets.
After Troyzan hit his shots, he screamed, “This is my island, you can’t beat me!” This resulted in some negative comments from the peanut gallery and some groans from my couch.
Round Three: Troyzan hits three targets in a row to win immunity.
During his victory celebration, Troyzan looked at the rest of Tikiano and said, “Don’t !@#$ with me.” Oh boy…even if you pull off the immunity run of a lifetime, most of those kids are going to be on the jury.
So much dumb strategy this season. So much!
Back at camp, Tarzan asks Troyzan to be noble in victory. And we’ve officially reached the point where Tarzan is the voice of reason. The Mayans were right, 2012 truly is the end of days.
Politicking centers around taking out Tarzan or Leif. Chelsea and Kim smartly don’t want to target a woman yet for fear of shaking up their alliance.
Troyzan wants to get Tarzan, Leif, Alicia, and Christina on his side by telling them that they’re on the bottom of the alliance. Yeah, but that plan makes sense.
That night at Tribal Council, Troyzan explains that his taunting at the challenge was because he’s a competitor.
Sabrina thinks Troyzan has morphed into a terror.
Troyzan points out that Sabrina is not his mother and shouldn’t tell him what to do. He then outs her for lying to Jay.
Probst just shakes his head, which is funny, because I know he’s loving this.
Troyzan then points out that Tarzan, Christina, and Leif are at the bottom of the totem pole. All they have to do is vote with him and vote out Kim.
Kim thinks Troyzan is making a lot of assumptions as to what the pecking order is. However, she doesn’t deny Troyzan’s assertion.
Christina says it’s simple math. I’m going to remember that if she doesn’t flip. Cause right now simple math says she’s sixth.
Voting Time: Troyzan votes for Kim, Chelsea votes for Leif, and the rest of the votes didn’t make the cut.
J-Pro tallies and returns. Three votes for Leif, two votes for Kim, three votes for Tarzan, and the tenth person to leave “Survivor: One World” is…Leif.
Verdict: This has to be the most strategically mind-numbing season since “Survivor: Gabon.” Kim, Sabrina, and Troyzan are the only ones playing, and Troyzan is making stupid moves left and right.
This season makes my think muscle hurt.
Who’s Going to Win: That was Alicia and Christina’s only chance to make a move and they blew it. We’re going to see Kim, Sabrina, and Chelsea at the end, and that jury seems to be the type that respects gameplay. Enjoy the money, Kim.
Power Rankings Update: Dragon Slayer! Benjamin “Coach” Wade had Leif in spot nine while Sophie Clarke had him in spot eight. The current score is now Team Salani 80, Team Manono 61. It’s probably too late for a guy comeback, but at least we have a two-week winning streak. (Yes, I’m aware that one of those wins was against a coffee mug.)
Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes