Remember how at the end of season one, after months of hinting that Kalinda (Archie Panjabi) was bisexual, when she finally kissed FBI Agent Lana Delaney (Jill Flint) the camera panned away and only showed their feet? This season’s penultimate episode of “The Good Wife” more than makes up for it. It is called “Penalty Box,” and the title is one heck of a double entendre.
Lemond Bishop (Mike Colter), Chicago’s most debonair drug lord, is upset that Lana visited him to inquire about some payments he made to Kalinda. Yes, the FBI will leave no stone unturned in their investigation of whether Kalinda cheated on her taxes. Aren’t there some serial killers or interstate drug rings she should be investigating? Alicia (Julianna Margulies) tells Lemond they are taking care of the problem. He warns them they better do it fast. Alicia tells Kalinda that Lana’s investigation is going to get her killed. Yes, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but setting up your ex to be murdered is taking it a bit far. Kalinda shows up at Lana’s apartment. Lana is angry that she tracked her down until Kalinda starts flirting. Lana’s take on the situation is bizarre: “I chase you for two years and nothing. Now what. You’re into me.” Girl, if you have to put her life at risk to get her attention, she is not that into you. Kalinda, well, she sort of does this thing with her hands, that appears to be veering into the third base while fully clothed category. Or something else involving Lana’s penalty box. Watch the clip and see if you can figure out exactly what Kalinda is doing to Lana, and how the show’s producers persuaded the Standards and Practices Department that this was totally acceptable viewing on the network that prefers corpses to sex. Les Moonves, prepare your GLAAD award acceptance speech.
In the midst of all the hot fully clothed lesbian sex, Kalinda asks Lana to stop doing things that have the potential to result in her untimely death. Lana says she can’t stop doing her job. Alicia tries to cover by telling Lana that it was just an accounting error and Kalinda never worked directly for Lemond. She is not buying it.
Though it was the steamiest part of the episode, Kalinda and Lana were technically the C storyline. The case of the week involved a judge who hires Lockhart-Gardner to defend him on charges of misconduct on a case he prosecuted 20 years ago when he worked for the States’ Attorney office. Alicia and Diane (Christine Baranski)manage to clear his name, but the judge has to violate every one of his personal principles and let Alicia blame everything on a former Assistant State’s Attorney who may not have done anything wrong.
The juiciest story, however, is the search for a new Lockhart-Gardner associate, since the firm now has so many clients. Alicia recommends Cary (Matt Czuchry). After the interview, Diane wants him. Will, perhaps afraid that he will no longer be the best looking man at the firm, does not. Ancient Named Partner Howard, thinks Cary is gay because he picked Thurgood Marshall and Keith Richards as the people he would want to be stranded with on a desert island. Chattermouth Eli (Alan Cumming) tells Peter (Chris Noth) he saw Cary interviewing for a job. Peter sounds like a mafia boss as he asks Cary if he respects him and accuses him of disloyalty before firing him with a month’s severance.
The other candidate is Callie (Julianne Nicholson), the recovering cocaine addict lawyer that Will slept with last week. When Will tells Diane that he is dating Callie, she speaks for the audience: “I don’t mean to intrude, but could you please keep you pants zipped?” Callie turns down the job because she got a better offer. Why do so many firms want to hire an attorney who was suspended for a year because of her drug problem? Since there are only two lawyers in Chicago who want to work for Lockhart-Gardner, Cary gets the job and a big salary bump. Plus, he has the severance he would not have gotten if he had quit. Cary wins at life. Maybe he will even get to have an ambiguously filmed sex scene with Kalinda.