After eight weeks of planning, Kim and Kroy tied the knot on Thursday’s “Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding.” Everything that a bride would hope for was set in place: the gaudy attire, the luxury porta-potties, the trimmed wig, and a tamed juvenile mom (albeit temporarily).
But underneath the normal wedding commotion and the suffocating images of Kim’s cleavage, we also tacitly understood and observed a few other things: 1) Andy Cohen would owe Colin Cowie his life (or at least a reality show) since we’re sure Colin wouldn’t have dared take on Kim’s wedding under normal circumstances; and 2) Being the stand-up Midwesterners that they are, Kroy’s folks deserved Oscars for hiding their quiet disapproval of their son’s choice like pros; and last but not least 3) Lil K.J. deserved an extra helping of Gerber for being a cute and abnormally pleasant chubbawubba.
Unfortunately, Kim’s dream of being married on the lucky date of 11/11/11 didn’t totally go as planned, due to her mother’s nasally tantrum of refusing to plant her anorexic badonka donk in one of the $5,000 porta-potties. Even the po-po got involved!
Watch Kim’s Mom’s Bathroom Drama:
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Check out how things went from good to bad to good again:
When the doors open and Kim emerges, Kroy breaks down and the helicopters almost crash at the sight of seeing a set of Georgia mountains spilling out of Kim’s dress. The lovebirds ball some more as they exchange sweet vows, and although we choked ourselves at the sight of Kim’s wedding dress, we gave her a reprieve since sincere love was lingering in the air. Le sigh…The party moves to the backyard tent, and we watch as “Real Housewives of Atlanta” co-stars Phaedra and Kandi discuss the magnanimity of Kim’s breasts. Inside the house, Kim changes into her second cheeseballer dress of the evening and gives Kroy a surprise: a framed picture of herself wearing his jersey! What else?
They return to the dance floor and the camera captures her guests gettin’ down: Perez Hilton does The Charleston, Patti Stanger krumps her singleton status out, and Colin Cowie shows off his favorite 70s disco moves. But the good times end right then and there once Kim’s mom and aunt decide their bladders need an official throne to sit on. They start screaming and shouting at the security guard, demanding to use the bathrooms in the house rather than the porta-potties. Even Kroy tries to shoo the two away, but Kim’s mom forces her way in and tosses F-bombs to her son-in-law a couple times.
The ladies laugh as they run upstairs and tinkle away, but in turn, they wake up Lil K.J., which makes Kim and Kroy lose it. The newly married couple tell both mom and aunt to get the hell outta dodge and tell the po-po to escort them out. The ladies make a dramatic scene, but eventually make their ungraceful exit with Kim’s poor dad Joe following suit.
Thankfully for them, Kim and Kroy ignore the bad vibes, cut their cake, and dance the night away with daughters Brielle and Ariana.
Despite Kim’s third fugly wardrobe change of the night—a floral bling’d out jumpsuit—Kroy manages to have the hots for her, and they escape their own party. “Let’s go make babies,” Kim says to her new man. And as we know, they sure did.
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