In celebration of Heather finally taking her hubby Terry Dubrow’s last name after four kids and fifteen years of marriage, the stiff and skinny brunette throws an epic party at her austere mausoleum of a house, inviting the entire cast of the “Real Housewives of Orange County,” as well as the really insignificant ancillary characters—like their grown-up kids.
But that’s not all! As a testament that this is more of a Bravo set-up party rather than a real Dubrow party, Jeana Keough even pops up out of nowhere with her daughter—both of whom Heather knows diddly squat about. But the major kicker is that Alexis invites her “friend” Sarah, the Lush of the Season (a.k.a. Skeletor Version of “Millionaire Matchmaker’s” Patti Stanger), whom you all know tried to attack Vicki for Gretchen’s sake when they all went bowling some episodes back.
While Sarah is drinking her way into pomegranate cocktail oblivion and dressed like a Vegas stripper, Tamra cries and apologizes to Jeana for tossing red wine into her eyeballs last season. They hug and decide to drink the night away, but Jeana still wholeheartedly wants to kick her in her newly engaged cajones.
But let’s get back to the Lush Queen, who’s dying to be a new OC Housewife addition. Tipsy and slurring, Sarah decides to defile Heather and Terry’s cake by snapping off the pink sugar bow and swallowing it! Needless to say, Heather flips out and tells Terry, Tamra, and Vicki. Tamra pulls the Bow-eating Freakazoid over and demands an explanation.
“I have a sugar problem…you’re made about a bow?” asks Sarah to the gang as she hiccups.
“Is your sugar problem wrapped up in a rudeness problem?” Heather asks as she stares down Sarah with the look of death.
Swaying and contorting her face, the bumbling brunette blasts her host. “You’re fake, and you’re pretentious!”
“I am bored with this!” Heather yells and and tells her to “quiet herself” in some dark, faraway corner or get the freak out of her house…to be continued.
If you think Cake-Gate is bad, just wait until next week’s season finale when Tam-Tam and Vicki get caught up in a screaming match and spray halitosis in each other’s faces…and the issues are much deeper than weirdo cowboy Brooks!
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