‘Revenge’ Recap: ‘Kidnapped’ Victoria Returns from the Dead

Madeleine Stowe as Victoria Grayson in "Revenge" (ABC)

Revenge” has realized that Nolan (Gabriel Mann) is the show’s breakout character, and that Nolan and Emanda (Emily VanCamp) are the breakout relationship. The best thing about this: Nolan and Emily have become roommates. The worst: Nolan may lose some of his geeky charm and a lot of his bisexuality now that the show is acknowledging that he is the smartest, coolest, funniest guy in the Hamptons. The new hair, wardrobe and focus on his company is great. Just don’t let him turn into the Fonz. Keep him a little socially awkward and a lot sexually ambiguous.

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This week’s episode, “Resurrection,” Emanda flashes back to singing to INXS’s Never Tear Us Apart in the car with her mother. She had good, if on the nose, taste in music. She asks why her dad said she was sick. In present day, Emanda hears a noise, wakes up and grabs Nolan by the throat. They watch Victoria (Madeline Stowe) and the White Haired Man via clam cam. He exposits that the Initiative is on their trail. He has fake passports for them. She says she can’t pay him until Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) gets her inheritance. He refers to her and Charlotte as easy to dispose of. Emanda says Victoria took her mother, so she will take her daughter.

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Daniel (Josh Bowman) is worried that Conrad (Henry Czerny) is cooking the Grayson books. Emanda calls to inform him that Charlotte’s doctor could have falsified her drug test results.  He starts GoQuestGoing the doc. Should there be a NolCorp search engine? It could be Noolgle?

In rehab, Charlotte is given a psychological test: Do you believe others are plotting against you? Ha!

One of Declan’s (Connor Paolo) preppy classmates invites him to go boating, by which he seems to mean have gay sex. Declan whines about how he is a member of the working class and will spend his whole life as a townie if he doesn’t earn money for college. The guy turns out to really want Declan to hold onto stolen jewelry for him, which Declan stupidly agrees to do for only 500 dollars. He has learned nothing about negotiation from his time with the Gryasons.

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NolCorp is being audited. Nolan Skype’s in to a meeting. He has offices! And employees! He is apparently both a micromanager and never around to solve problems because he is busy being Emanda’s minion. Padma, a financial analyst, wants him to hire a CFO. He refuses. He laments to Emanda that his employees don’t respect him. He has conducted the entire meeting pantsless. His lobster boxers are hilarious.

Amily (Margarita Leveiva)  tells Emanda she had a one night stand, but she still thinks the baby is Jack’s (Nick Wechsler). Amily would make a great “‘Maury” guest. Emanda asks what lab she is using so she can “insure” the results. Amily stupidly gives her the information. Amily shows Jack the paternity test: he is the father. Even though anyone could have typed up a phony report, he believes her. Amily calls Emanda and asks if they were the real results. She says they aren’t. Amily thanks her. Once again. Emanda sacrifices love for revenge. Let’s hope it’s Takeda’s or some other non-white person’s baby.

Conrad tells a lawyer he feels like Job as he signs away Charlotte’s inheritance. Ha ha! Ashley (Ashley Madekewe), who has to be sleeping with him or working towards that goal,  tells him that Daniel is onto his financial shenanigans. He tells her to keep him away from the investors meeting.

Daniel shows up at rehab to get Charlotte out and get her back her inheritance. Charlotte is skeptical about his timing, and asks him to leave. Emanda arrives and agrees to take her to Victoria.  I am not sure how she can come and go as she please after failing a drug test. Charlotte blabs that she and Victoria are going to leave the country. Emanda takes her to a pregnant Amily. Charlotte is excited about being an aunt. Charlotte tells Victoria that Conrad took her money, and Victoria freaks. Charlotte says she can get her money, but she can’t leave because she is going to be the world’s most involved aunt. She’s upset that Victoria seems to care more about the money. Victoria coldly says her plan was always to leave Charlotte behind once she got the money. Of course, we know she is pushing her away to save Charlotte from the White Haired Man.

Nolan narrates the action on the clam cam with a British accent. Padma shows up to nag him about hiring a CFO. There is no explanation for how she knows that he is crashing at Casa Emanda. She argues that it will give him someone to control. He wants to hire her even though she lacks the experience. Is she working him? She seems too annoying to be his love interest.

Conrad is relaying his bogus numbers to the investors when Daniel interrupts to confront him about Charlotte. Conrad blames Daniel for not giving him his trust fund. Victoria phones a stunned Conrad and says he will do what she says or he will haunt him all the way until his last pathetic day on earth. Yes!! Conrad greets her at the safe house: “So it’s true: even the devil himself didn’t want you.” She tells him to hit her – like a man if it’s even possible. He says, “Nothing would give me greater pleasure,” and takes off his coat. Can a couple that schemes this effectively really stay broken up? The White Haired Man finds Victoria bloodied and chained to a radiator as the police arrive. Victoria tells him he did it and to start running. Conrad rushes inside, feigning shock.

Emanda comes home to an empty house and turns on the clam cam to find Victoria telling the cops she wants to go home. Another plan, thwarted. Victoria returns home and dramatically throws her arms around Daniel. Conrad claims Victoria was kidnapped the night of the plane crash and he spent all his money paying ransom to the abductors. He kept Daniel out of the loop for his protection.

The White Haired man calls Emanda because she has something he needs. She says to come to her. Emanda is ticked that Nolan was not watching the clam cam when everything went wrong. He points out that she takes him for granted and expects him have no life outside of being her sidekick. She bitchily says that he should get his own place and that he needs to leave for the night. She also tells Nolan that she lied to Amily about the paternity test. She probably didn’t have one done at all.

Daniel transfers his trust into an account in Charlotte’s name because it was what Mom wanted. He offers her the house, saying he’ll move to the pool house. Ashley is less than thrilled when she overhears.

Emanda watches footage of the actual Conrad-Victoria slap. She tells the White Haired Man he can have it in return for info about her mother. He tells her that her mom’s testimony would have brought down the Graysons because David said he was divorcing her for Victoria. Flashback to mom awesomely telling Victoria “You stole my husband, you whore,” while shackled to a bed in the mental hospital. Victoria tells her that David is a terrorist who had her committed. The WHM – who calls himself federal agent Gordon Murphy – unshackles her and tells her that her life depends on her letting them help her. In the present he tells Emanda that instead of killing her he changed plans. Then he puts a knife to her throat. Before he can slash it, Takeda’s hot sidekick shoots him!

Nolanism of the week: “Dr. Doom’s Sober House” aka Charlotte’s rehab facility.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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