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Compared to the nightmare of the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” cast reunions, the first part of Monday night’s “Real Housewives of New York City” reunion was the kind of last hurrah we’re used to—catty, silly, and laughable—although the cray cray factor at times, thanks to “Ramonja” (a.k.a. Ramona and Sonja), ended up being a bit of a laxative.
Hosty with the Mosty Andy Cohen was chipper and more relaxed in this franchise, considering he knew he wouldn’t get physically thrown aside by an enraged ape-ette with spirally black hair (cough, cough, Teresa Giudice), but surely he had to fight being visually wounded by the NYC ladies’ various shades of rigamortis foundation and filled up, pulled back faces.
There was a bit more control and focus on each bitchy battle brought up at this reunion, though, and the ladies seemed to do a good job at staying on subject, which this here recapper appreciates immensely. Sweet lawdy!
Anywho, let’s do this already. Here are the major issues that brought on some cougary mortal combat:
‘The One Upper’
It was the Princess (Carole) vs. the Countess (Luanne)! After watching the season and discovering Carole’s secret disdain for LuAnn’s need to always “one up” her and all the other ladies, LuAnn scolds Miss Soothing Overbite for talking smack behind her “American Indian” back.
“That’s not the Princess I know,” says LuAnne. Carole brushes off the comment, saying she was joking around, but LuAnn rails on the Princess for also calling her a “friend jumper” (i.e. social climbing with friends) and for apparently being such a low-end celebrity that she’s not good enough to wear Carole’s designer friends’ clothes. The mushroom-headed Countess gets so worked up that she won’t let her frenemy get a word in edgewise, and so Carole finally tells her to just “Shut up”—but in her custom melatonin-induced way.
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Aviva’s pronounced phobias theme was the next hot topic, but the Skyscraper Blonde claims her issues were really just with flying on planes and heights…although by looking at the montage, it seems she’d prefer living in a plastic bubble with bottled water and $500 dollars worth of daily vitamins.
“The phobias have expired now,” LuAnn teases.
“Yeah but they get renewed by the minute,” Sonja interjects maliciously as Ramona cackles with Mean Girl delight.
But Aviva doesn’t engulf “Ramonja” with her fiery temper this time. Instead, she goes into explicit detail about how she traumatically lost her leg to explain why she has so many anxiety issues. Surprisingly, she admits her anxiety got the best of her and it manifested into tearing into Ramona and Sonja. She apologizes, but Sonja just looks away with her Zoolander face pose, while Ramona wildly blinks her Crazy Eyes.
Oh, That Smile—Hollaaaa!
Ramona says attacking Heather for talking over people at the beginning of the season was probably a bit too much, but daggum, she just couldn’t stand that shyster 10-foot wide smile of hers! Ramona felt it was fake, but Heather says she was just minding her manners.
“You can smile through it, or scream through it,” Heather offers concerning their multiple confrontations.
While the two aren’t BFFs, it seems Ramona knows she has bigger indigestion to deal with…and its initials are A.D.
‘Pent-Up White Trash, Chunky Cougars’
Oh, to bring up the episodic WWE event that was St. Barth’s…Although we were waiting to hear Aviva release her Vassar-educated fury into several different languages, (while her father George pops out from behind the couch to pinch “Ramonja’s” bazookas), none of that happened!
Instead, Aviva profusely apologizes to her “white trash” castmates. But Frick and Frack aren’t hearing it. Both argue that Aviva had continually attacked them on her blog after the season ended and that it was jacked up that her hubby Reid called them “pent-up cougars” and “fat girls gone wild.”
“The only thing that comes from you is lies! lies! lies!” screams Sonja as she bounces her weave and quickly goes back to Zoolander pose.
Trying to explain her “white trash” comment, Aviva says she wasn’t referring to race or socioeconomic status, but rather, she felt the two gals were “just trashy.”
“Well, whatever, Aviva, I have no ill will towards you; I only wish you the best. I just think you need a different therapist,” Ramona replies as Aviva stares at her with mouth slightly open.
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