Two hours of live performances of songs supposedly from the movies on “The X Factor” Wednesday night were enough fodder to come up with many observations about life, entertainment and the general badness of this show. Here are the top 10 things “The X Factor” inspired me to complain about from my sofa last night.
1. An open letter to Demi Lovato: Please stop interrupting Simon’s criticism of your team’s performances. He is the only one here who knows what he’s talking about. And you need to hear what he has to say, because you are failing your team. Exhibit A: Paige Thomas floating down from above, then being undressed from her wooden warrior gear and nuzzled by some guy, while being drowned out by backup singers. Exhibit B: The replacement of Jennel Garcia with a Joan Jett-looking karaoke-bot. Exhibit C: CeCe Frey’s abominable performance/productions, made worse by terrible song choice and the fact that CeCe can’t actually move and breathe and sing at the same time. You are transforming these unique people into generic, already done pop stars. Love, Me. PS: Eyebrows much?
2. An open letter to whoever thinks that pop acts require themed backup dancers: Please stop. Just stop. See: Arin Ray’s NASCAR-themed production of “American Boy” (what movie was that from, btw?). CeCe again. And somehow, with Lyric145, mixing a song from “Mary Poppins” with an “Alice in Wonderland” dance troupe.
3. I’ve asked this before and I’ll ask it again: Why does LA Reid hate old people? His Over 25s get no love, no production value, no wardrobe advice and no creativity from their master. Letting Jason Brock on stage in a red lounge jacket with a red t-shirt, gut hanging over his pants? That’s just mean.
4. Diamond White was brought back. Why? Really, why? Can’t hit the notes on “I Have Nothing,” nor the other stuff she’s done till now. Were there just not enough commercials bought to pad the show with only 12 acts?
5. Tonight was “movie night” and no one sang “My Heart Will Go On” or “I Will Always Love You.” Shocked.
6. Thanks to Mario Lopez, we now know how to pronounce CeCe’s last name. “Like the French fry.” “I’ve never heard that before,” she replied.
7. Carly Rose Sonenclar was the best singer of the night on “It Will Rain.” Lyric 145 most creative, for rapping “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” (WHAAAT?)
8. Fifth Harmony, fka 1432, fka LYLAS were tight, but their name? The same America that voted for Barack Obama also voted for that name? As LA put it, “Womp, womp.” And they dress like the office girls, going out on a Friday after work.
9. Who was that Jessica Biel lookalike over LA’s shoulder all night?
10. Khloe Kardashian was much improved over last week, although she still needs a shoehorn to peel her out of her leather dress. Could use some help in her delivery, too. “That was amazing.” Monotone, unfeeling, bored. Does she work for QVC? “Look at this little girl. She’ll look so good with your scarf.”