Monday night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” exhibited signs of conflict avoidance (and major signs of grudge holding) as the Lisa vs. Adrienne saga continued, with the latter starting to get highly agitated as indicated by the growl in her voice…(unfortunately, we couldn’t get a good read from her expressionless face).
Their unresolved conflict was essentially the dark cloud lingering throughout the eppy, but other substories eked in some worthy mentions. Besides seeing Mauricio and Paul get in touch with their feminine side on behalf of a worthy cause, Yolanda’s character was starting to show its true colors, and believe you me, no wonder David Foster writes so many sad love songs, such as “Hurricane” and “The Prayer,” if you get what I’m saying.
Check out the highlights, dahlings:
Kyle, Mauricio, Paul and Adrienne go to Taylor’s house for a Mexican dinner. As Taylor slices a tortilla chip with a fork and knife, Paul congratulates her for putting on weight as he fixates on her obese lips. Feeling the need to change the subject, Tay-Tay makes a big announcement. Since it’s now her life’s mission to stand up to domestic violence, she has volunteered Mauricio and Paul to participate in a mile walk-a-thon for the cause—in high heels! The thought of seeing Paul humiliated and in excruciating pain makes Adrienne beam with delight! And the thought of gay men salivating over Mauricio at the event makes Kyle’s lips protrude with jealousy!
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In other acts of absurdity, Yolanda visits her 17-year-old daughter Gigi at a modeling shoot for Guess. While Gigi confides to her mom that she’s excited to be eating junk food at a birthday party later on that day, Yolanda—who claims she’s not a stage mom—tells her it’s fine to do it this one time but reminds her daughter that the models in Paris are thinner than her. She then proceeds to critique her daughter’s clothes, how her makeup has been applied, and quickly informs the makeup artist not to make her eyes look “Chinese.” She then stomps around the set examining Gigi’s photos and encourages the teenager to make lots of money so she can buy her first apartment in NYC…Yolanda forgot to mention sister-girl should save a little extra for her much-needed therapy bill.
While Kyle is running around recreating the daggum Iowa County Fair in her backyard for Portia’s 4th birthday party, Mauricio, along with Paul, Adrienne, and Tay-Tay, are off on a private jet to Sacramento where the hellishly heeled walk-a-thon is getting underway.
Before the brave men know it, the race begins—and so do Adrienne and Taylor’s sadistic giggles! Mauricio scurries off in size 14 heels, while Paul prances down the street next to him in astronaut platform boots. Their sexy calves catch the attention of nearby she-man racers who take the event to another level by wearing daisy dukes and Kentucky Derby hats. After much cursing and tittle tattling, Paul and Mauricio make it through to the finish line! The women con-drag-u-late them, while the men take on a deeper level of empathy for what the opposite gender goes through as they discover they’ve formed mega man bunions! Icky poo puppies!
Back at Portia’s party, Lisa and Ken arrive early and claim they must leave early for a wine tasting. Kyle looks at them with suspicion because she knows that they know that Adrienne and Paul are expected to come later. Although Kyle urges Lisa to talk to Adrienne, the Brit brushes her off and clicks outta there before Adrienne shows up.
Feeling the jitters because her BFF Lisa isn’t there, Brandi nervously enters the Chihuahua Lion’s Den and tells Kyle she’s planning on leaving early, just in case Taylor and Kim decide to get gangsta on her. The brunette tells her to chillax and encourages Brandi not to be afraid of the lionesses who are invited to the party. Suddenly, creaseless foreheaded Camille shows up and shady characters of season’s past trickle in: Sycophantic Dana! Sycophantic D.D.! And even Playboy boobilicious Faye Resnick!
Once Mauricio, Taylor, and Adrienne and Paul return from their goodwill excursion, the party is well underway—with lots of horse poop and bitchiness to prove it. As Camille and Brandi sit next to each other, Taylor walks up to them and throws herself in conversation with Camille, not acknowledging Brandi (or her weird 80s heart sunglasses). Once Kim surprises Kyle by arriving, Brandi knows it’s her time to say “peace out.” She politely texts Kyle and then zooms out the door!
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But the bad vibes are just getting started. Paul and Adrienne tell Kyle and Mauricio they’re annoyed that Lisa and Ken don’t have the balls to be around them and feel their actions are in bad taste.
“It’s very highs school; it’s very childish,” concludes Adrienne.
While they’re squawking up a storm, Taylor is trying to stir up some Mean Girl big-lip drama. Because she knows she’s in like-minded company, the Toothpick starts telling Kim that Brandi had told Yolanda at Lisa’s Villa Blanca party that she had slept with every guy in Beverly Hills. She repeats the story to Adrienne and Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t take the bait this time and walks away.
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But as we can see next Monday, Tay-Tay isn’t finished bashing her arch rival. It looks like karma is gonna bite her in the arse, though, since Yolanda ends up being turned off by Taylor when she has a little too much bubbly in her system. Hiccup!
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