‘RHOBH’ Yolanda Foster Invites Imperfect Guests to Her Perfect Dinner Party

"RHOBH": Kim Richards, Taylor Armstrong, Adrienne Maloof, and Yolanda H. Foster -- (Photo by: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo)

Monday night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” was centered around Yolanda’s dinner party, and although previews from last week implied it was going to be “the dinner party from hell pt. 2,” it was fairly mellow (and no electronic cigars were at play), despite the ongoing tension between Lisa and Ken and Adrienne and Paul.

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After locking her daughter Gigi up in the cellar and telling her she can’t eat for the next few days, Yolanda tends to her “casual” dinner party where she has all the ladies and a few Botoxed musician friends invited.

After ordering her caterer to serve filet mignon and puff pastries with goat cheese, she flocks to her garden of Eden like a model in an Estee Lauder commercial to pick lemons from her lemon trees and rosebuds from her rose bushes.

When the evening gets underway and all the ladies show up, Adrienne begins greeting the usual suspects, but Lisa immediately turns away from her and Paul, whom she and Ken haven’t seen in months.

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Enraged that Lisa called Adrienne’s shoes “Maloof Hoof” and her dog Jackpot “Crack Pot,” Paul huffs and puffs and tosses out a few F-bombs to show he’s da boss man…but no one’s really listening.

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As the two couples avoid each other like the plague, the rest of the gang are yapping the evening away as they nibble on their filet mignon, along with their watermelon salad that’s drizzled with a balsamic glaze and lightly accented with Parmesan shavings…(ya know, Yolanda and her Grammy award-winning hubby David make a point to say they really don’t like things “frou frou.”).

Meanwhile, Taylor sips on too much bubbly and begins an embarrassing convo with David’s trumpeter friend, who proudly announces he’s Botoxed 80 percent of his face. Continuing her lambasting of Brandi, which seems out of nowhere, Taylor slurs that her nemesis has slept with everyone in Beverly Hills. An unamused Yolanda coldly looks at her bubba-lipped acquaintance with full on judgement.

“There’s nothing more ugly than a drunk woman,” Yolanda says.

As a tradition after their dinner parties, David gets on his piano to sing and perform to let everyone know how great of an artist he is. This time he brings Chris Botti, the frozen-faced trumpeter, Michael Johns from “American Idol” (who’s this freakin guy?), and Nita Whitaker, who sang the entire “Bodyguard” soundtrack to entertain the guests.

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But before the oddball artists can indulge themselves in their talents and fall in love with their own vibrato, Kyle and Taylor begin to sing “Amazing Grace.” At the sound of their chords, Yolanda and the rest of the gang’s faces turn white as their eyes search desperately for some Prilosec. As his ears bleed, hubby David basically tells the gals to shut up, which makes Taylor grimace.

Out of nowhere, the trumpet player begins to play some sad notes, which makes Taylor think of Russell and feel sorry for herself. Her face begins to tick and crazy Tay-Tay face emerges from the thick jungle that is her lips. Paul tells David they need to bring up the tempo, but Yolanda is so turned off by Taylor and her 90s crimped hair that she says they all need to leave because she, David, and his Grammys need their beauty sleep.

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The next day—upon invitation from Adrienne—Lisa meets up to have lunch, expecting a fast-moving, full-on apology from the Maloof Hoof. Lisa assures Ken that if she doesn’t like what she hears, this Brit and her bountiful bootie are out the door faster than you can say “Jiggy.”

Dom da dom dom! Until next week!

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