‘Revenge’: A Surprise Sex Tape Screws Everyone Over

"Revenge" (ABC)

It’s the “Revenge” winter finale.  Let’s get the most important development out of the way first: Nolan (Gabriel Mann)  is double shirting it again! My prayers have been answered. This week he is wearing a pink polo shirt under a matching pink button down. It seems an appropriate outfit for a skeet shooting party. In a reversal of Chekov’s laws of drama, the guns in this episode are fired in the first act and silent in act five.

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In between killing clay pigeons, Conrad (Henry Czerny) tells a board member, Salvador, that even if Daniel (Joshua Bowman)  is right about Grayson owning NolCorp, it will take years of legal wrangling for them to get their hands on it. Emanda (Emily Van Camp) and Aiden  (Barry Sloane) discuss attempting to flip Salvador’s vote with Nolan. They need Salvador to support Daniel’s run at NolCorp to make it look legitimate. Nolan has a secret plan to help mitigate the sting of losing his company. I hope he ends up taking over Grayson. Emanda tells Salvador she wants Daniel to become CEO before she invests in Grayson. The Initiative phones Conrad to warn that Daniel will be in grave danger if he takes over.

Nolan and Padma meet with Daniel, who has arranged for Marco, the first NolCorp CFO to be waiting in the boardroom. Nolan asks Padma to leave rather than explaining that he likes to hook up with all of his CFOs. Daniel reveals he knows about the missing 500 million dollars from Nolan’s Cayman Island account. Nolan offers to write him a check for it. Daniel says he’ll pretend he didn’t know about it in exchange for 51% of his company. Nolan says, “Well played. Guess I work for Grayson now.” Daniel is stupid enough to accept this at face value.

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Ashley (Ashley Madekwe)  warns Daniel not to trust Aiden. Emanda and Daniel watch them on the Grayson Cam. To stop Daniel from listening to Ashley, Emanda has a plan involving a video of Ashley having sex with Conrad in his office. I knew it! The footage is every bit as unappealing as you would expect. But, as we learned last week, since Ashley has an MFA, her only reasonable career option is sex worker. Nolan helps them upload the least sexy porn ever to Victoria’s cellphone. Well played, Emanda.

Conrad tells Victoria (Madeline Stowe)  that Salvador is Team Daniel. Victoria shows Conrad his bid for Xtube fame, telling him, “You have wormed your way to the vary nadir of repugnance.” I think helping terrorists crash a plane was worse. He tells her that their fling happened before Daniel and Ashley started dating while he and Victoria were divorced. He tells her to get over it and focus on keeping Daniel safe from the Initiative.

Victoria sweetly asks Ashley to help her with a matter then shows her the video. Ashley claims she only slept with him once, right after Victoria fired her. She begs her not to destroy Ashley’s relationship with Daniel. Victoria is more interested in getting Ashley to  seduce Salvador so he will change his vote. If she succeeds, Aiden and Emanda, who have watched this all go down via the surveillance footage, will be the ones who are screwed, since he will no longer have an in to the Initiative.  So Aiden asks Daniel why he wasn’t included in the negotiations with NolCorp. Daniel admits Ashely encouraged him to be wary of Aiden. So Aiden sends Daniel to Salvador’s room where he finds Ashley and Salvador in matching bathrobes. That could have been a lot worse. Daniel tells Salvador that if he doesn’t vote for Daniel, he’ll tell Salvador’s wife about his infidelity, resulting in the costliest divorce in history. Then he tells Ashley to get her stuff out of his house.

Salvador tells Victoria that he has to vote for Daniel. Victoria tells Daniel that if he wins he will be in danger, but won’t explain why, so Daniel assumes she is lying. Daniel is elected CEO. He says that he has found his calling. Conrad should have let him become a poet. All rich kids who want to major in liberal arts should make their parents watch “Revenge.” Daniel tells Aiden there is no room on the board unless somebody quits which he doesn’t see happening soon. The countdown to the death of a Grayson board member begins now.

Victoria slaps Conrad just because he could use a good slapping. Then Victoria phones Emanda to say that she wants to speak to her about Daniel. Emanda tells Aiden that they have leverage now.

At the Stowaway, Marco tells Nolan that his career has tanked since he got fired from NolCorp. He wants his old job back. Nolan says Padma is a far better CFO… in bed. Marco, unaware of the Emanda/Amily switch, thinks Nolan never gave Amanda the money that is rightfully hers and left her so destitute that she has to live in the bar with Jack. Nolan tells Padma,”First rule of dirty dealing. Always have a contingency plan that bites your opponent is the ass harder then they bit you.” He hints “It’s much easier to destroy a castle from inside its walls.” Could Nolan be the true heir, to the late, great J.R.? He is, in is own way, as adept with a quip and can be pretty damn ruthless. Nolan plans to hire Marco to neutralize him. That won’t be at all awkward.

In the boring storyline of the week, Jack (Nick Wechsler) invites Kenny and Nate to baby Carl’s christening. Emanda holds the baby during the ceremony since she is its godmother. It kills her to see Jack and Amily so happy together. Carl Senior’s old friend Matt who killed Kenny’s dad back in 2006 shows up at the christening. When he sees Kenny and Nate he warns Jack to get out of his deal with them. Jack is smart enough to ask Nolan to dig up dirt on them. Kenny and Nate spot Matt and make vaguely menacing threats. Nolan tells Jack that Nate and Kenny are the sons of Carl’s nemesis. A badly beaten Matt tells Jack that he used Carl’s gun to kill Ryan, but Kenny and Nate think Carl did it and want pay back. Nate gives Carl’s address book to Jack. Matt’s name is crossed out with a less exciting red sharpie than Emanda’s. Jack finds the gun hidden in the boat. Snore. This plot is even duller than Charlotte’ and Declan’s romance.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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