While Yolanda and Kim vigorously exercised the art of keeping their bingo wings (a.k.a. the jiggly fat on your arms) in check, Brandi, for once, vigorously exercised the art of biting one’s tongue until it bled on Monday night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” And that’s thanks to Faye Resnick.
Unfortunately, Kyle made the huge mistake of inviting her BFF Faye to her dinner party, and the latter decided to take over and exert her husky voice and condescending attitude on Brandi, whom she had never met but believed she could psychoanalyze perfectly.
It was nightmarish to say the least, conjuring the horrid memories of Camille’s infamous dinner party with her electronic cigar-puffing psychic guest during Season 1.
But before we jump into the Faye Femme Fatale event, let’s rewind a bit and see how things got from Point A to Point F…
After Paul and Adrienne have a near-fatal meatball collision with skyscraper Brandi at Mauricio’s real estate party, the mini couple angrily storm out with Kyle running after them.
“The girl is crazy, crackpot crazy!” screams Adrienne. “I’m really, really pissed! And not only that, you watch! She’s a f*cking liar!”
Although we don’t really know what Brandi had supposedly puked out of her mouth about Paul and Adrienne, the gossip mags are saying she told the ladies that Adrienne had given birth to her children through a surrogate.
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Regardless, Kyle is embarrassed and freaked out because her hubby’s business party is ruined, and she quickly screams at tattletale Kim for her bad timing.
Days later, Brandi visits Lisa and tells her that Paul and Adrienne have done horrible things to her that she cannot speak of. “They’re not good people,” Brandi warns. But she’s preaching to the choir because Lisa doesn’t give a rat’s arse about Adrienne anymore…
Although Kim, Yolanda, and Adrienne are a no show, the rest of the ladies come over to Kyle’s dinner party, with the addition of Marilyn Monroe lookalike Marisa Zanuck and Faye “Playboy” Resnick.
Once everyone sits down to eat, Faye licks her lips and is ready to rumble. As the attention quickly moves to Brandi, the big-mouthed blonde admits she regrets blurting out Adrienne’s “secret,” but adds that her frenemy is competitive and generally not a stand-up gal.
With a perfected condescending flair, Faye butts in and accuses Brandi of essentially lying about her old pal and that Brandi should be “the bigger girl” and apologize by sending Adrienne flowers. Kyle and Camille agree with Faye and add their two cents, but the temperature is rising in Brandi’s face as she begins to feel ganged up on.
Sensing Brandi is trying to keep the F-bomb from popping out of her mouth like bullets, Lisa tries to come to the rescue by pointing out that when Kyle and Brandi had issues, Kyle didn’t send the blonde any daggum flowers. Of course, Kyle doesn’t like the sound of that and begins swinging her finger and neck in Lisa’s face.
“Don’t point your finger at me,” Lisa coolly tells Kyle.
Before Lisa could break the host’s wagging finger, quiet Marisa Z. tells the table that she understands Brandi’s POV. But Faye shuts her up before she can say another syllable and tells Brandi that never mind Adrienne—she’s not the good person.
“I’ve seen a lot of cruel behavior,” Faye tells Brandi about her actions. “I think you attack people a lot; I think you need a lot of attention.”
Brandi shakes her head in disbelief, not knowing if she’s tripping on pharmaceuticals at what she’s hearing or if Faye is trying out to be the next Housewife. Regardless, Brandi tells the dinner party convo hijacker it’s not in her nature to attack people for no reason, but if she’s crossed, she will fight back. “I’m not a wallflower,” Brandi warns.
“You just throw things out there,” Faye interjects as Kyle has an accident on her new dining room chair. “You get backed into a corner, and you just say things. And I can’t wait to hear what you’re gonna say about me!”
Trying her darndest not to go “BH gangsta” on Faye, Brandi breathes heavily and walks out of the room, letting Faye know that she’s irrelevant to her.
Kyle looks up at the heavens and realizes her party—just like Mauricio’s—just got botched by drama queens.
“Sh*ttttt,” she says with exasperation.