‘The Good Wife’: The One Where Matthew Perry Gets Punched in the Nose

Matthew Perry in "The Good Wife" (Jeffrey Neira/CBS)

Maybe “The Good Wife” should throw a party every week. This week’s episode, “Death of a Client,” took a page out of “Revenge’s” playbook right down to the red dress and the barbed dialogue and did it better than its higher rated competitor. It was smart, sophisticated, hilarious, sexy, and possibly the greatest St. Patrick’s Day episode in television history, though admittedly most shows ignore the holiday. If you’ve ever watched ‘The Good Wife,” you need to watch this episode. If you’ve never seen it before, then this one will make you a fan.

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Alicia Is Delightfully Bitchy: Dressing like Jessica Rabbit seems to turn Alicia (Julianna Marguies) into a tough talking vixen. It’s delightful. She strides into the Shamrock Dinner, a charity function that is affiliated with the Chicago Archdiocese, and promptly announces to Eli, “If you start clocking my alcohol intake I’m going to do shots.” Alicia, that’s not a threat, it’s a promise. Eli (Alan Cumming) announces that the goal of the evening is to get the Cardinal to hug Peter (Chris Noth), thereby winning the Catholic vote. The Catholics of Illinois are quite easily swayed according to the very Jewish Eli. Peter, who is channeling Mr. Big all episode says, “So I shouldn’t mention abortion.” Ha!  Maybe Peter and Alicia should wear formal attire all the time, It certainly brings out the best in them. Eli says he thinks Saint Alicia is the key, commenting on how she stayed faithful to Peter as Will enters the room.  That’s just perfect.

Crostivo Gets What He Deserves: Mike Crostivo (Matthew Perry) orders club soda because he is an alcoholic. Alicia calls him a liar telling him “You do Mein Kampf” proud.” She concludes their conversation with, “Die choking on your own blood, please.”  Write your Alicia versus Victoria Grayson fanfic.The Cardinal praises Peter for handling Zach’s drug addiction well. Crostivo found out about Zach’s bogus arrest at the beginning of the season and is ready to turn it into a campaign scandal. Eli advises Peter to fight him with a bigger lie. Peter says he has a better idea. He tracks him down in the bathroom and calmly says he thinks Crostivo will say whatever he wants. He is unconcerned. Crostivo observes that everyone can be provoked. Peter says “You know the way to battle a lie?” and punches him in the nose.It’s spectacular. You need to watch it.

Crostivo crumples like Marcia Brady after being hit by a football, saying “My nose is bleeding!” Crostivo then says that Peter can’t have hit him. Peter says, “You’re right, so I must not have.” Then he  puts his cocktail next to him on the floor and leaves. He tells everyone that Crostivo has too much to drink and fell down, which sounds far more plausible than what actually happened. The Cardinal tells Crostivo, “It happens to the best of us. It’s St. Patrick’s Day.” Crostivo insists that Peter hit him but the Cardinal does not buy it. Eli gives the best advice.

The Weirdest Client Ever: I would have loved it if the whole episode was just the party. But there has to be a case of the week because this show is ostensibly a procedural. So Alicia has to leave the party for a police station filled with drunks including a retired cop who plays the bagpipes,  because her eccentric client Matthew (John Noble  of ”Fringe:) has been murdered. Matthew has filed dozens of frivolous lawsuits. He plays a Bach sonata every time he meets with Alicia because he believes it keeps the CIA from monitoring his conversations. Alicia and Matthew’s relationship is seen entirely in brief, hilarious flashbacks. He sues everyone. He gets into vicious arguments with his numerous enemies. The case becomes serious when a police officer informs Alicia that the killer’s car was located. Alicia’s address was punched into his GPS.

The End of Will and Alicia?: Laura (Amanda Peet) asks Alicia if she remembers Matthew talking about Eddie Lomax, a drug dealer. She remembers him arguing with a police officer about him. Laura asks Alicia if Will (Josh Charles) is seeing anybody. She assures her that Will is single and encourages her to ask him out, which would certainly make it easier for Alicia to avoid temptation. Alicia  flashes back to having rather graphic sex with Will. Matthew interrupted them by phoning to ask for the police report about Lomax. When Alicia phones Will to inform him about the threat he immediately says he’s coming to see her. Yes, he still cares about her.  Laura sees them together and seems to pick up on their connection.Alicia asks Will, “We were good together, weren’t we?” Them she notices Laura watching them through the window sand says “We’re keeping each other from moving on.” She thinks she’s being selfish. She’s back with Peter. Their flirtation has to end. She sees Will talking with Laura and regrets doing the right thing.

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Don’t Mess With a Dog Lover: Kalinda tracks down the crime scene and discovers the killer’s car didn’t even have GPS. The cops were lying to get Alicia to reveal details about her client. Alicia cusses out the lead detective than leaves. Kalinda figures out that the killer was actually a man Matthew sued because his dog was barking too loudly.

The Return of Veronica: Alicia calls her kids, panicked because of the threat, and learns that her mother Veronica has dropped by unexpectedly. Alicia asks her to take the kids tot he hotel. Instead, she takes them to a  bar. There, we learn the following:  Zach slept with Becca,  Alicia was pregnant with Zach when she married Peter and lied about the date of her wedding. Grace was an accident. Well, that puts a whole new spin on Peter and Alicia’s marriage.

Justice Diane: Peter tells Diane (Christine Baranski) that if he is elected, he wants to appoint her to the State Supreme Court replacing the judge who died last week. He gives Diane a day to make up her mind.

Party Down: Everyone ends up back at the Shamrock Dinner. Alicia admits to Grace that she changed the date of her wedding because she was embarrassed denies that Grace was an accident. Alicia assures her that she was not trapped into marrying Peter. She even says she loves him. Who doesn’t, after tonight? But, let’s be honest, she also loves Will. Veronica thinks Alicia overprotects the kids.  Alicia tells her she can’t use the truth to undercut her authority. The Cardinal declines to hug Peter or Crostivo. Alicia ends the night by dancing with Peter. She asks whether he punched Crostivo. He denies it saying, “That wouldn’t make sense.” Then Alicia flashes back to Matthew saying he sued people to spend time with her. He quickly says he was joking because, “that wouldn’t make sense.” Thus, St, Patrick’s day ends on a creepy note with Alicia wondering if she is so irresistible that she inspired a man to get himself murdered.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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