‘True Blood’: The Prisoners’ Dilemma

Ryan Kwanten on "True Blood" (Photo: HBO)

This week’s episode of “True Blood” was suspenseful, fast paced, sexy, funny and advanced the plot. It’s like we’re back in Season 2 again! The shifter-wolf feud and Terry’s angst about a were also sandwiched in to keep it from being a truly great episode. A show with about 137 characters does not need to use all of them every week. But that’s a minor quibble. Welcome back, “True Blood.”

Sookie Has Daddy Issues

We pick up where the last episode ended, with Sookie (Anna Paquin) telling Warlow (Rob Kazinsky) to get off of her. After she rants about how sick she is of being a magnet for vampires, he tells her he loves her. She must be every vampire’s, with the exception of Steve Newlin’s, dream man. He claims that he killed her parents because they were trying to murder her. She doesn’t buy it and throws a fairy light bomb at him.

While Bill (Stephen Moyer) tries to calm Jessica (Deborah Woll) down from her fairy blood high, he has a vision of Sookie with Warlow. He shows up at Sookie’s house and commands Warlow, as his maker, to come with him. Apparently, when Bill became Billith, he inherited every vampire that she made. We know that according to the vampire bible Warlow is the only one who can kill Lilith, but Bill believes that the vampire/fairy can save the vampire race.

Sookie asks Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) to help her figure out whether Warlow is telling the truth by summoning the spirits of her parents. She learns that Warlow showed her parents the contract, explaining his plans to make Sookie his immortal vampire princess. Instead of figuring out how to stop Warlow, Sookie’s dad decided that the best plan of action was to kill Sookie that night to prevent her from being turned in the future. Worst parent ever! The spirit of Murder Dad possesses Lafayette. He accuses Sookie of loving Warlow, throws her in the trunk of a car, then drives her to a lake and pushes the suddenly defenseless half-fairy under the water.

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Warlow Has Self-Loathing Issues

Bill takes Warlow to his mansion and explains how he came to be Billith. We flashback to 3500 BC. Lilith encounters Warlow, who has a long hairpiece, has sex with him, then tells him he is destined to save vampire kind. In the present, Warlow tells Billith she made him into something he despises. In a flashback to 3496 BC, vampire Warlow returns to his village. He can’t stop himself from eating everybody, with the exception of baby Niall. Warlow wishes the vampires extinction and takes professor Takahashi hostage.

Pam Refuses to Admit She Has Issues

When Tara (Rutina Wesley) tells Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) that the LATVF took Pam (Kristin Bauer), he deliberately provokes the cops into arresting both of them. They are taken to Vampire Concentration Camp. He finds himself in a windowless circular room with three other vampires. Blue racquetballs are tossed to them and they are shot if they don’t catch them. It turns out to be the camp’s version of the Sorting Hat. Because he won the game, he is assigned rank 1 and taken to men’s General Pop.

Pam, also ranked 1, is in therapy with a psychiatrist who wants to learn how vampires think. She agrees to talk in exchange for drinking from a live donor, which, because this show can’t resist on-the-nose World War II symbolism, is a literal Asian comfort woman. He asks Pam what value she places on human life. She tells him. “Your insignificance to me can not be underestimated.” Pam claims vampires don’t form real relationships and that they don’t feel bad about killing each other. She mocks humans’ valuing of emotions, saying that when Eric released her it hurt. But now she’s over it and he’s nobody to her. The therapist is smart enough not to buy it.

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Sarah Has Rejection Issues

Sarah (Anna Camp) wants Truman (Arliss Howard) to forget about Willa (Amelia Rose Blaire) and conceive a child with her. He is not willing to give up on his daughter. She angrily tells him, “When a woman comes to you in black lingerie, you unwrap her.”

She consoles herself by moving far down the public servant food chain, showing up at Jason’s (Ryan Kwanten) house. She tells him she is there to save his soul, saying, “I truly believe God wants me to f— you.” Jason suddenly finds religion again. After their graphic tryst, Jessica knocks on his door, begging him to invite her in. She confesses to eating Andy’s daughters, musing that she isn’t sure if Billith is God or the devil. Then she asks if he ever loved her. Jason acknowledges that he did. Sarah overhears and is appalled that he “fornicated with a vampire.” She calls the LAVTF. Jessica is dragged away to Vamp Camp.

Jessica (who has earned a 2 rank) encounters Tara (a 3) in the woman’s cellblock. They nearly have an altercation with the cellblock’s alpha female, who declares they owe her a favor.

Willa’s VIP prison treatment includes being sexually harassed by a male guard who is more confident than he should be that the governor won’t care.

Eric and Pam Get to Work Out Their Issues

Sarah brings Truman to the racquetball room where Eric is waiting. He cusses Eric out for turning Willa. Eric is shocked that the governor brought Willa to the camp. Boy, did his plan to convert the governor to the vampire-rights cause backfire. Eric and Pam are given giant stakes and ordered to fight to the death. If Sarah had read “The Hunger Games,” she’d know that the two of them are going to turn the tables on their captors, and both of them are going to walk out of there alive.

Jason Resolves His Intellectual Issues

Jason makes his first smart move by signing up to join the LATVF so he can infiltrate the camp and save Jessica.

Andy Has Grief Issues

Andy (Chris Bauer) shows up at Bill’s mansion with a shotgun and finds his daughters’ bodies. One is alive, so he abandons his plan to kill Bill and carries her out of there. He treats the still-unnamed teen with blood.

Nobody Cares About Alcide, Sam and Terry’s Issues

Alcide (Joe Mangianello) is still searching for Emma. When his father, Jackson (Robert Patrick), questions whether or not Alcide is just going on this quest to impress Nikki, Alcide disowns his father. He has gone from the most likable man on this show to the biggest douche. Jackson sees Nicole (Jurnee Smollett) and Sam (Sam Trammell) arguing about whether or not she should phone her parents to let them know she is alive. I am willing to suspend a lot of disbelief when watching this show, but I can’t buy that there are still payphones in Louisiana. Terry, still feeling guilty about killing Patrick, puts a hit out on himself.

“True Blood” airs Sundays at 9/8c on HBO.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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