The fish may not be biting but Robertson pal Martin is hoping to hook himself a lady! As the Robertson men (plus buddies Godwin and Martin) leave a fruitless fishing outing, Martin drops the bomb that he’s not in for the guys’ weekly poker night: “I may or may not have a date tonight… And no, it’s not Mother’s Day.” Cue requisite razzing from the “Duck Dynasty” gang.
Back at the warehouse, the guys debate modern ways to meet women and Si defends his dating prowess (well, former prowess — he’s been married 43 years!). “I was a player before they even invented the game, Jack … I dated every girl in our town, and I didn’t need no computer to meet them.”
On the phone, Willie tells Korie about Martin’s impending humiliation, and of course, she hops in her SUV to come help, sister-in-law (and Jase’s wife) Missy in tow.
Always the booster, Korie counsels Martin, “All you have to do is be yourself.” (“That’s terrible advice,” countered Willie. “He can’t be himself – that’s like throwing him to the wolves!”) An undeterred Korie still believes in his wooing abilities. “Martin is such a sweet guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him.”
Still, this Redneck Romeo intends to wear what he has on: Camo. She admits: “Let’s face it. He dresses like a seventh grader, who doesn’t yet wear deodorant.” In typical fashion, the Robertson women take over and decide to head to Martin’s house to evaluate his wardrobe. (As they leave, fadeout to Si saying “They’re fixin’ to put lipstick on a bear.”)
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At the bachelor’s pad, Willie and Jase take a look around while Missy and Korie advise Martin. In all their years working together, they’ve never been to his house. It’s easy to see why: Taxidermy and pre-beard photos of Martin cover the faux wood paneled walls. (“No adult male should have that many pictures of himself,” mutters Jase.) Ceramic roosters sit on kitchen counters and unmatched socks pile up on the furniture. A box of mustard packets and condiments from 1998 lurk in the fridge. Proclaims Jase, “We have entered the bowels of bachelorhood!”
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Martin’s first sartorial try is a look he “put his own spin on,” i.e. a neon shirt and mismatched tie. The ladies quickly usher him back to put on THEIR choice: striped button-down shirt, khaki slacks and NO camouflage hat.
Later, he struts into the warehouse for a big reveal, only to be heckled. (Jase dubs him “a hairy Easter egg.”) Only Uncle Si seemed slightly impressed with the new style, musing, “The women are trying to turn him into Channing Tatum. Meet Magic Martin.”
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The final stage of Martin’s pre-date prep is an etiquette lesson from Si, draped with a feather boa. During this date run-through, Si readies Martin to “sweep this young girl off her feet.” The best moments, though, are his sample pickup lines: “Your eyes are like two lagoons on a deserted pacific island”; “Darling, you’re on fire… like donut grease.”
While the majority of the Robertson clan focuses on Martin’s makeover, patriarch Phil attempts to “make rednecks” out of three of his youngest granddaughters. Out on their land, he goes over the finer points of fishing. “I have a game on the iPad where I can fish,” pipes one of the girls. (Looks like even the smallest Roberstons have the quip gene!) The little girls grow bored, until one of them hooks a big catfish. Squealing ensues.
As they giddly reel it in, Phil muses, “Maybe there’s more Robertson in these girls than I thought.” But the pint-size anglers weren’t too keen on killing the fish. (“Can we name him? We can’t eat him, he has brothers and sisters out there,” one declares. But another granddaughter quickly grasps the point: “Well, it sounds delicious to me ‘cuz I love catfish!”)
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The family gathers at Phil and Miss Kay’s house for their Sunday dinner, grilling up the catfish as the grandkids play on the ground. Martin shows up in his pickup post-date. “I didn’t take any of y’all’s advice, I was just myself,” he says with a shy grin. “And I won’t be at poker next week either.” Success!
UPDATE: Justin Martin’s love life with Britney is still going strong — he tweeted shortly after the episode aired and his account is full of cute exchanges between them (he smelled really good on their first date!).