Monday night’s final installment of this season’s “The Real Housewives of Orange County” went out with a bang and a break-up between Brooks and Vicki, and lawdy, it was painful, awkward, and just plain toxic to watch—even poor Lydia couldn’t take the cesspool of negativity and walked off the stage in tears. What made things worse is that Andy Cohen tried to “liven” the end of the show with a celebratory toast and Vicki “Whoo hoo-ing!” it up while she was still practically wiping the snot from her sniffling schnoz.
Thanks to Vicki’s daughter Briana, the vast majority of the night was devoted to watching her scream at Brooks, who tried to defend himself amidst accusations that he was not only abusive to Vicki but also a braggart about having a package bigger than the state of Mississippi, y’all! (Oh, if only the show was entirely devoted to the latter accusation. What fun! Yeehaw!)
Check out the reunion highlights from OC hell…
— Before Andy asks Briana about Brooks, he asks her if she felt good about defending her hubby Ryan (who’s currently deployed to Afghanistan) when he had flipped out on Lydia’s mom for putting her feet up on the couch at Vicki’s wintry penguin party. Briana’s response? Ryan was “protecting Vicki’s home.” (Gee, submissiveness and denial sure run in Vicki’s fam.) Lydia asserts the footage reveals he was clearly ba-nay-nay, but Briana adamantly refuses to say one bad thing about him. (She then proceeds to insinuate Ryan’s anger was justified since she had to scrub wine and mud off of her mother’s couch.) Skinny Lydia calls her out…but does so less viciously since she knows Briana could easily kill and eat her if she so desired.
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— While Vicki claims she and Brooks aren’t really seeing each other and that their relationship is complicated, Briana jumps in and alludes to Brooks being abusive to her mother. Vicki denies it completely and angrily walks off the stage. To add some shock factor, Briana also claims Brooks had told her that he proudly owns a huge pistol down in his southern regions and is damn proud of it! Vicki doesn’t comment on the proportions of Brooks’ baby maker, but either way, we all lose our appetites…
— When Brooks sits on the couch, the ever-so-shady character begins to apologize to Briana for a romantic email he had sent Vicki when she was still married to Don. But Briana barely lets him say a peep. With her eyeballs and her bottom lip bulging, she accuses him of telling Ryan to smack her around a bit to make her obedient. (The ladies gasp but their synthetic blubber lips don’t indicate any movement.) After initially denying the claim, Brooks finally fesses up, saying he said it but only because he was drunk and angry at the time. With an absence of fairy dust and hymnals to soothe her nerves, Lydia cries and runs off the stage.
— In the end, Brooks has had enough of the PMS attacks on him of the past two years and ends his segment with Southern gentlemanly “sacrifice.”
“I love you enough to let you go,” he tells Vicki as he sits next to her. “It’s hard to say, but it’s the truth.”
As Brooks gets up to leave, he tells her: “Good luck. I love you.” Vicki ugly cries, and the ladies gather around her in support (even Gretchen!), but Briana stays firmly in her seat.
Feeling the need to end the night with a smile and a reality TV show ending, Andy brings out the bubbly and forces the ladies to toast. As she always does, Vicki pushes down her feelings and puts on a smile. “Whoo hoo!” she screams with as much joy as she can muster.
We guess ratings are more important than a full love tank, right?
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