‘Revenge’: Everyone Is Better at Revenge Than Emily

"Revenge" (Photo: ABC)

As passionate as she is about “Revenge,” Emily Thorne is not all that good at it. Sure, she has disposed of numerous people who were tangentially involved in the plot to frame and kill her father. But all of the Graysons are alive and well, and her biggest plans always backfire. Meanwhile, her minions always seem to do much better when they strike out on their own. In Sunday night’s episode, “Mercy,” just about everything went wrong for Emily, while they went oh so right for Victoria, Nolan, Jack and Aiden.

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Emily’s Revenge Plan Goes Up in Flames, Like Conrad’s Ferrari

Conrad (Henry Czerny) and Father Paul (James LeGros) were rushed to the hospital after last week’s Ferrari crash. Paul was pronounced dead. Regardless of how the accident happened, if Emily (Emily VanCamp) hadn’t gone after him, he’d still be happily running his soup kitchen. Conrad’s injuries were minor. Victoria (Madeline Stowe) reminded him he was forbidden to drive because of his Huntington’s disease and could be charged with manslaughter. Conrad decided to claim Paul was driving. Anyone who has ever watched an episode of “CSI” knows that would be pretty easy to disprove. However, Conrad and Daniel (Joshua Bowman) paid off the police so they would not conduct a thorough investigation.

Aiden (Barry Sloane) found out that Conrad moved the Ferrari wreckage to a salvage yard. He informed Emily, who told Jack (Nick Wechsler) not to get involved in a way that pretty much ensured that he would. Emily donned her vengeance hoodie for a trip to the salvage yard, only to find that Jack had beaten her to the punch. He used his blue collar automotive knowledge to point out that Conrad had burns on his face that indicated he was hit by the driver’s side airbag, but the airbag is now missing. Emily went to the salvage yard, where Jack was waiting for her. He showed her a video of the car and pointed out that an airbag deployed, which is why Conrad had burns on his face and Paul didn’t. The airbag had been removed from the car. The car was turned into scrap metal in front of them, but Jack had already filmed it, because he’s halfway decent at planning things. He told Emily that if she didn’t allow him to give the evidence to the police, he would reveal her true identity.

Watch Sunday Night’s Episode of “Revenge” Here on xfinityTV:

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Emily’s biggest fail came when Conrad summoned the entire Grayson family to announce that the emergency room doctors determined he did not actually have Huntington’s disease. This was Emily’s stupidest plan ever because it was predicated upon him never seeing a doctor other than the one she paid to fake the results. If only he’d sought a second opinion before giving up the governor’s seat. A reinvigorated Conrad decided that God sent Paul to him so he would learn he was healthy.

Emily was furious that Daniel not only helped Conrad cover up his car accident but also gave a statement to the extraordinarily corrupt Hamptons police on her behalf. So she submitted a version of his biography to Voulez that included the fact that he seriously injured a woman when he was driving drunk. They had a huge argument. He told her that if she walked out, he wouldn’t be home when she got back. Emily told him, “Don’t forget to turn off the alarm on the way out.” But she had to regroup after Conrad announced he was healthy, so she apologized and assured Daniel she still wanted to get married. She truly did everything wrong this week.

Jack Revenges His Way to the Truth

Jack, having learned from the ten thousand other times that the Graysons managed to weasel out of things, decided to investigate the car accident further before turning over the video of the car to the police. His mechanic friend determined that someone had tampered with Conrad’s brakes. Realizing that Conrad was innocent this time, he broke the news to Emily that someone, other than them, was after Conrad. The obvious potential suspects are Patrick, Victoria and Aiden. But who knows. Maybe Declan’s ghost wants payback.

When Emily told Aiden that Jack knew her true identity, he jealously decided to turn the tables on his rival by telling Conrad that Jack tampered with his brakes.

Victoria Revenges Her Way Into a Career

Victoria decided to work her way out of bankruptcy. Her friend Sheila agreed to hire her as a salesperson at her art gallery, in part because she believed that everyone in town would drop by to watch Victoria sink to working retail. Patrick (Justin Hartley) persuaded Sheila to sell one of Victoria’s paintings, which he stole, telling her “I’m a bastard in more ways then one.” Victoria threatened to press charges against Sheila unless she left town and gave her the gallery. So Victoria became the owner of a fancy art gallery. Of course, she and Patrick were working together. That’s how a Grayson pulls herself up by her bootstraps.

Nolan Revenges His Way Into A Boyfriend

Nolan (Gabriel Mann) plotted to use Patrick to pay back the Graysons for the months he spent in prison. Patrick rebuffed Nolan’s attempts to flirt, perhaps because he was confused by Nolan’s decision to wear a neck-scarf with a hoodie. This led to the reunion of the show’s greatest couple, Nolan and his computer. After a cute monologue in which he persuaded himself that if he became too addicted to technology he would write a program to make himself stop, he googled his new crush. That led to him flying to Florida to talk to Patrick’s ex-wife, who described him as an abuser and a liar. He paid her $20,000 for details.

Nolan then lured Patrick to his house with the claim that he found his wallet. After making a speech about how intriguing he found Patrick, Nolan attempted to kiss him. Patrick pulled away, only to plant a big kiss on Nolan about a minute later. They already have better chemistry than Emily does with any of her paramours.

“Revenge” airs Mondays at 9/8c on ABC.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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