“Scandal” aired its Anthony Weiner inspired episode, awesomely titled “Say Hello to My Little Friend,” just twenty four hours after “Law & Order: SVU” aired its take on the photo-sexting congressman. Perhaps Weiner could have avoided this humiliation had he hired real life Olivia Pope, and “Scandal” producer, Judy Smith long before his political career ended with him flipping off the press as his former on-line fling chased him through a McDonalds. But, really, who cares about the case of the week when Olivia’s life has spun so far out of control that she had to break out her two gallon wine glasses?
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Jake Won’t Take No for an Answer
It came as no surprise that Jake (Scott Foley), who began his relationship with Olivia (Kerry Washington) by spying on her, did not take no for an answer. The episode began with her telling him to leave her apartment. She admitted that Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) had no idea her father was Command. Jake felt this made Fitz incapable of protecting her. On one hand, it’s a little condescending that he viewed her as a damsel in distress. On the other, he has good reason to be concerned about her safety. Olivia,insisted her father would not hurt her. Jake was like, ‘Tell that to a guy he didn’t have thrown in a hole and beaten.” She told Jake about Rowan (Joe Morton) flipping Huck’s kill switch. Olivia creepily started muttering about how she was going to be a good girl and go to Sunday dinner. Jake left, realizing that he was going to need to figure out the “Scandal” equivalent of blasting “In Your Eyes” outside her window.
Huck is The Manchurian Candidate
Huck made like “Breaking Bad’s” Jesse Pinkman and used an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to confess to murder while altering the key details to avoid ending up in prison. Huck’s claim that he fell off the wagon because someone put a drink in his hand was a lot more sympathetic than Jesse claiming he killed a dog. The most damning part of Huck’s confession was his admission that he loved every minute of it. Quinn (Katie Lowe) crashed the meeting and spent the rest of the episode demanding to know who he killed and attempting to be his therapist.
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Fitz’s Good Deed Will Not Go Unpunished
Fitz reads an article about Peter Foster’s death. When he learned his sister did not have money to pay for his funeral, Fitz arranged for him to have a military funeral at Arlington. He attended, which certainly would not attract any attention to his deep dark secret that he does not want anyone to uncover. Sometimes Fitz just seems too inept to be president. He told Peter’s sister that he never met him but knew he was a hero. Cyrus (Jeff Perry) found what Fitz did from James. Cyrus confronted Rowan about killing Peter while Jake used a microphone that looked like it was purchased from Sky Mall to spy on them from about ten feet away. Jake did not even bother to disguise himself. This did not speak highly for B-613’s intelligence gathering practices. Jake tried to tell Olivua about Pete’s undocumented mission, but she booted him out of office.
Team PTSD is Born
Jake suggested to Huck that they take down Rowan. Huck thought it was an impssible task. But after Jake visited the office, Huck sifted through all of the files on Pete that Jake left behind and began to put all the pieces together. Huck was now on board. He and Jake told Olivia that there was a flight plan for Operation Remington tattooed on Pete’s body. But it was a cover up, because Fitz was actually the pilot. Operation Remington should somehow turn out to involve Pierce Brosnan.
After Huck left, Jake vowed to stay by Olivia’s side. Her defenses down, she served them Super Big Gulps of wine. Jake allowed her to lean on his ten foot wide chest. They kissed, only to be interrupted by a phone call from Fitz who was in a mood to talk about his feelings. Jake poured salt on his former friend’s game by loudly asking for more wine.
A jealous Fitz walked into his office to find Rowan waiting for him. We’ll have to tune in next week to see if Rowan reveals he is Olivia’s very bad Daddy.
Mellie Drops the Mic
A congresswoman from Montana named Joesphine Marcus (Lisa Kudrow) became a media star when she said, during a debate, that Fitz “needs to tame his cobra.” After publicly praising Josephone for being a woman in politics, Mellie (Bellamy Young) was caught on a live mic saying, “Give any piece of trailer trash a push-up bra and a microphone, and the stupid flyovers will eat it up like fried Twinkies.” That hilarious remark had the unfortunate effect of making Josephine into the populist female democrat hero that could beat Fitz in the next election. So Cyrus sent an operative to Montana and learned that Josephine had a baby when she was fifteen.
What a Weiner
Desperate for clients, Olivia represented a senator who was accused of murdering the woman he was sexting. During the trial, dozens of women testified that he also sexted them, going into graphic detail. Olivia’s only strategy was to slut-shame the victim for having sugar daddies. The senator sexted yet another woman while he was on trial, proving that, if nothing else, he deserved tobe locked up for stupidity. He claimed he had a problem. His wife, Shelly, who seemed suspcious the moment she appeared in her tasteful suit and French twist, walked out on him. Olivia tracked her down and persuaded her that she could testify on her husband’s behalf without looking like a pathetic victim or destroying her law career. On the stand, Shelly gave her husband an alibi, then admitted she did not love him and called him a pervert, adding that adultery is not a reason to send someone to prison. The senator was acquitted, then revealed to Olivia that Shelly perjured herself. She was shopping the night of the murder. Olivia realized Shelly did it, believing she was getting rid of her husband’s mistress, only to learn that there were many more. Shelly shrugged, then hopped a plane to Chicago to join the cast of “The Good Wife.”
“Scandal” airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC.